Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Flights from Kansas City to Heathrow, London

1:40 on Sunday was a lovely day in Kansas City, the rain had stopped for more than a day, it was yet to become the humid soup that is the typical midwest summer and I was looking forward to my trip to the UK and Belgium. Que: the"encroahers" and crying babies in conjunction with my body's decision to go on total shut down.
The crying babies were on the flight from KC to Detroit. I do not have a problem with crying babies. They are being honest. Perhaps they are in pain or grumpy at the intrusion of traveling, perhaps they are hungry or don't like the man sitting next to them. My problem with crying children is the people who have a problem with crying children. It took everything I had to hold my tongue to the couple seated behind me loudly complaining about the crying. If ever there was a time for made-up statistics, this was it. Ie:" Did you know that 97% of those who complain loudly about crying babies were in fact, themselves, crying babies?" or," It has been proven that babies sense intolerance and impatience in adults and are known to respond by crying?" However, being a "grown up" I refrained from saying anything.
Next, were the "encroachers". Yes, that is a made-up word. (Poetic license. Gimpy guide posts are peppered with it) These are the people who do not care about leaving their "side" of the seat. To echo (steal) from Jeff Foxworthy:
You may be an encroacher if:
1. You read a newspaper and drape the top part onto the head of the person seated front of you. (I watched a poor woman continue to shrink down in her seat as this particular encroacher was also the cry baby complainer)
2. You believe the whole arm rest is yours including the area on the opposite side of it. Please use the seat pocket to stash your items. Not the area between your neighbors seat and the armrest.
3. You believe it is perfectly acceptable to just sit there with your arms over the back of the seat in front of you. Elbows: bend them.
4. When the flight attendant hands out snacks, you Bogart them all by taking them and pretending you will hand them over and then stuffing them in your carry on. Ask and ye shall receive more pretzels from flight staff.
5. You believe the aisle is your personal foot rest. Not just to stretch but to perch there throughout the flight. If it aches, stretch, then tuck. In the middle of the night, we gimpy folks are at max, while on trips to the toilet, to try to reach the overhead bins for stability and not touch the seat backs to wake people up. Do NOT complain if I trip over your foot.

Back to stats. Airline: Delta all the way to Heathrow. Much better than United (who isn't) and also better than American. Not as good as Virgin. 3 out of 5 crutches on the gimpyguide scale

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